Category Archives: coffee

Coffee Clutch

for David

Coffee. That’s how it starts. “Buy you a cup of coffee?” “Meet me for coffee?”

Plastic to-go cups of iced coffee on a hot summer evening, you wondering how it’s going to turn out. You know that if it goes badly, your second cup will be a decaf and you’ll go home. But, if it goes well, you’ll go home with him, so that second cup will be regular. Maybe espresso.

Coffee in steaming mugs, the two of you cocooned by shared blankets, watching the leaves fall and float from the trees in the cool autumn air.

Delicate cups of gourmet coffee in the bistro where you had your first real date; you gazing out the window as the snow piles up outside. He plunges the French press and pours. Taking a sip, he says, “I’m not feeling it.” You laugh. “Maxed out your caffeine tolerance?” you ask. “No, it’s not the coffee,” he says. “It’s you.” He pushes his chair back from the table and sets down his cup. “I thought I’d be feeling something by now, but I’m not. Sorry.” He leaves, and you stare at the widening stain on the tablecloth where his coffee sloshed out of the still-full cup.

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Filed under autobigraphy, coffee, conflict, dating, flash fiction, irony, memoir, relationships, single, women

Cigarettes, Darth Vader, and Crows

Every morning, as I drink my tea on the back porch, I am at one with nature. Today the new neighbor two doors down was out on his porch, too. He smoked his first, second and third cigarettes, scaring away the birds, the deer and the squirrels, as well as chasing away the crisp, clean smell of evergreens. I channeled my inner Darth Vader and used The Force to explode his head. Then the crows came and ate his brains.

Moral of the story:
Watch out for crows. They’ll eat anything.

birds

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Filed under autobigraphy, coffee, conflict, fiction, flash fiction, humor, irony, nature, sarcasm, Uncategorized, women, writing

Coffee. Why it sucks.

Historical Note:  This story refers to a time BAS (before the advent of Starbucks)

The Coffee Age

All I ever wanted was a cup of coffee
with two lumps of sugar
and enough cream to make it a warm, tawny shade of brown

That was college
Coffee was easy:
Cereal and coffee for breakfast,
Grilled cheese and coffee for lunch,
Ice cream and coffee for dinner.

Now I’m 45
Coffee is hard:
Caffeine makes me shake,
I’m hypoglycemic,
and lactose intolerant.

All I want now is a cup of decaf,
with two packs of the pink stuff,
and enough non-dairy powder to make it a swirling, sickly shade of grey

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Filed under aging, autobigraphy, coffee, flash fiction, humor, sarcasm, Uncategorized, writing