A spider has laid eggs in the side of my face.
The turgid mass has grown so large that surely, at any moment, it will burst and spew forth dozens of arachnid progeny. I am certain of this.
The lump is definitely not a massive zit that I have manhandled to the point where the resultant purple and yellow bruise is scaring small children.
No. A spider has laid eggs in the side of my face. I am certain of this.